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ESTARIO PARADO EN MI AY-AY-AY! Well, the school never bothered to fix the hole, so for the rest of my time in elementary school, my butt-print was on display in Mrs. Gonzales's room. And if Rowley's spreading that story around, believe me I'm gonna tell the whole world who ate the Cheese. Wednesday Today I realized that if I wanted to know what Rowley and those girls are talking about at lunch, all I have to do is read his DIARY. I'll bet he's writing down all sorts of juicy gossip in that thing. The problem is, Rowley's diary is LOCKED. So even if I got a hold of it, I wouldn't have any way to open it. But then I thought of something. All I had to do was

buy the same exact diary HE has, and then I'd have a key. So I went to the bookstore tonight and got the last one on the shelf. I just hope buying this thing was worth it, because I had to cash in half of my Mom Bucks to pay for it. And I don't think Dad was too thrilled with the idea of me buying a Sweet Secrets Diary, either. Thursday After Phys Ed today, I saw that Rowley accidentally left his diary on the bench. So when the coast was clear, I used my new key on his diary, and sure enough, it worked.

I opened it up and started reading. Dear Diary, Today I played with my Dinoblazer action figures again. It was Mecharex vs. Triceraclops and Mecharex bited Tricera ceraclops in the tail.

And then Triceraclops turned around and said oh yeah well how do you like that and he shot Mecharex right in the heinie. I flipped through the rest of the book to see if my name was in there anywhere, but it was just page after page of this garbage. After seeing what's going on in Rowley's head, I'm kind of starting to wonder why I'm even friends with him in the first place. Saturday Things at home have been really good for about a week. Rodrick has the flu, so he doesn't have the energy to bother me. And Manny has been at Gramma's, so I've had the TV all to myself.

Yesterday, Mom and Dad made a surprise announcement. They said they were going away for the night, and that me and Rodrick were in charge of the house. That was some pretty big news, because Mom and Dad have NEVER left me and Rodrick on our own before. I think they've always been afraid that if they go away, Rodrick is gonna have a huge party and trash the house. But with Rodrick knocked out with the flu, they must've seen their big chance. So after Mom gave us a speech about "responsibility" and "trust" and all that, they took off. The SECOND Mom and Dad walked out the door,

Rodrick jumped up off of the couch and picked up the phone. Then he called every friend he knew and told them he was having a party. I thought about calling Mom and Dad to tell them what Rodrick was up to, but I've never actually BEEN to a high school party before, so I was curious. I decided to just keep my mouth shut and soak it all in. Rodrick told me to get some folding tables out of the basement and bring a couple of bags of ice out of the downstairs freezer. Rodrick's friends started to show up around 7:00 and before you knew it, there were cars parked up and down the street. The first person to walk through the door was Rodrick's friend Ward. A bunch more people started