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But they probably shouldn't have put Lunch with a Janitor next, because the guy they picked for it always yells at us when we step on his clean floors. STEP HEY! Nobody was willing to raise their paddle to start the bidding, and it was pretty uncomfortable for a while there. But eventually Mr. Gupta offered three bucks just to move things along.

可他们大概不该把“和校工共进午餐”放在下一个拍卖品，因为选中的这位校工，只要我们踩脏他拖干净的地板，就会冲我们大吼。 嘿！别踩！ 没人愿意举牌开价，好一阵子场面都尴尬得不行。 但最后古普塔先生为了打破僵局，出了三块钱。

After that was over, the auctioneer announced the next prize, which was to have a teacher come to your house to do odd jobs. I'm surprised teachers agreed to that one, because I'll bet the last place they want to be on the weekend is at some family's house fixing their mailbox or whatever. But that's exactly what happened when my parents won that auction item one year. It's hard for me to imagine teachers having lives of their own, so it's always a little weird when you see them outside the school environment.

这件事结束后，拍卖师宣布了下一个奖品：邀请一位老师去你家做杂活。 我特别惊讶老师们居然同意这个项目，我敢打赌，周末他们最不想去的就是别人家里修邮箱什么的。 可我爸妈好几年前拍到这个奖品时，真就发生了这种事。 我很难想象老师们也有自己的生活，所以在校外碰到他们总觉得怪怪的。

It always takes me a little off guard, especially when it happens in places you're not expecting it. ARE YOU GETTING YOUR SUMMER READING DONE, GREG? The next prize was one they've been doing for years, which is to raise money to get the principal to kiss a piglet. Principal Mancy used to do it at a big assembly, and kids would go absolutely nuts.

这种事总让我猝不及防，尤其是在你完全意想不到的地方碰到的时候。 格雷格，你完成暑假阅读了吗？ 下一个奖品是学校办了好多年的项目：筹到钱就让校长亲小猪仔。 以前曼西校长都会在大型集会上做这件事，孩子们都兴奋得疯掉。

The auctioneer got things going, and parents started driving the bidding up. But Principal Bottoms walked onstage to say he couldn't do it because he's allergic to "barn animals." So either he's telling the truth or he's just not the kind of person who's into kissing pigs. People moved on pretty quick, because everyone was excited about the last live auction item, which was Principal for the Day. That's where a kid gets to sit in the principal's office and do the morning announcements and pretend they're in charge for a few hours.

拍卖师启动竞价后，家长们就开始不断把价格往上抬。 可巴腾斯校长走上台说他做不了，因为他对“农场动物”过敏。 要么他说的是真话，要么他本来就不是那种愿意亲猪的人。 大家很快就翻篇了，因为所有人都对最后一个现场拍卖品兴奋不已，那就是“一日校长”。 赢得这个奖项的孩子可以坐在校长办公室，播报晨间通知，当几个小时的冒牌负责人。

It's kind of a dumb prize if you ask me, since the winner doesn't actually get any real power. But I guess every parent wants their kid to feel special, so as soon as the auctioneer started the bidding, things got a little crazy. I noticed my mom put her paddle up. At first I thought she was just trying to encourage other people to raise their bids and get the price up, but then I realized she was actually trying to WIN.

要我说啊这个奖品挺没劲的，因为赢的人根本拿不到任何实权。 但大概每个家长都想让自己孩子感觉与众不同，所以拍卖师一启动竞价，场面就变得有点疯狂。 我注意到我妈妈举牌了。 一开始我以为她只是想鼓励其他人抬抬价，让价格涨高，可后来我才发现，她是真的想赢。

The price kept climbing higher and higher, and people started dropping out. But every time someone raised their paddle, Mom raised HERS. And even though Dad tried to stop her, Mom was locked in. It finally came down to the last two people, Mom and Mrs. O'Malley, and there's some history between those two. They ran against each other to be PTA secretary, and after Mom won, Mrs. O'Malley accused her of spreading rumors to steal the election, which Mom denied. So this bidding war was PERSONAL for them. And it didn't help that the crowd was egging them both on.

价格越抬越高，人们纷纷退出了竞价。 可每一次有人举牌，妈妈就跟着举起她的牌。 哪怕爸爸想拦住她，妈妈都铁了心要竞价。 最后只剩两个人了：妈妈和奥马利太太，她们俩之前就有旧怨。 她们曾经竞选家长教师协会秘书，妈妈赢了之后，奥马利太太指责她散布谣言抢走选举，妈妈不承认。 所以这场竞价对她们来说是私人恩怨。 而且人群还在一旁煽风点火，让她们更上头了。