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And that turned into a problem, because in our next game one of the kids on the other team got electrical tape from Yusef's jersey stuck to his face. Then when the kid's mom removed the tape she pulled his eyebrow clean OFF. SCREAMP RIP Whenever we'd start to fall behind in a game, Mom would let Coach Patel know what he should be doing differently. And I'm not sure he really appreciated her advice. HAVE YOU TRIED PLAYING ZONE DEFENCE? BECAUSE MAYBE THAT WOULD HELP! 170

结果这事惹出了麻烦，下一场比赛时，对方一个小孩的脸粘到了优素福球衣上的电工胶带 那孩子的妈妈撕胶带时，连他的眉毛整个都扯下来了 尖叫 撕拉 每当我们比赛快要落后，我妈妈都会给帕特尔教练支招，告诉他该怎么调整战术 而且我感觉他其实并不领情 你怎么不试试打区域防守啊！ 说不定就能有用啊！ 170

Somewhere along the line, the other teams" coaches started feeling SORRY for us, so they'd play their substitutes instead of their starters. But that didn't change the RESULTS. The parents on our team started complaining to the junior league that we were losing by too many points, and it wasn't good for our self-esteem. So the league made some rule changes to help keep things under control. The new rules said that if your team was ahead by twenty or more points you had to pass five times before you took a shot. 171

一来二去之后，其他队的教练开始可怜我们，所以他们只派替补上场，不派主力 可这也没能改变输球的结果 我们队的家长开始向少年联赛投诉，说我们输分太多，很伤我们的自信心 于是联赛修改了规则，帮忙控制住局面 新规则规定，如果队伍领先二十分及以上，必须传五次球才能投篮 171

And that did actually keep the score down, but it was pretty humiliating when the kids on the other team counted their passes out LOUD. TWO! THREE! ZIP Then teams started trying to keep their scores down on their OWN. And they tried all sorts of things, like only dribbling with their left hands and even closing their eyes when they shot. But the scores were STILL lopsided, so halfway through the season the junior league did something a little more drastic to help us win. One weekend they dropped us down a whole age group, and the week after that they dropped us down ANOTHER level. 172

这套规则确实拉小了分差，可对方小孩大声数传球次数的时候，真的太丢脸了 二！ 三！ 零 后来各队还开始主动压低自己的比分 他们试了各种各样的办法，比如只用左手运球，投篮甚至闭上眼睛 可比分还是一边倒，所以赛季过半，少年联赛为了帮我们赢球，出了更极端的招 先是一个周末把我们降到低一个年龄组，下周又给我们再降了一级 172

And there's nothing like having your butt handed to you by a bunch of elementary-school kids to make you feel good about yourself. I only made one basket the entire season, but it was on the wrong hoop. And I guess Coach Patel wanted me to have my moment, so he didn't even say anything when it happened.

被一群小学生打得落花流水，可一点都让人开心不起来 我整个赛季只进了一个球，结果还投错了篮筐 估计帕特尔教练也想让我留住这份回忆，所以事发的时候他啥都没说

By the end of the season, only Mom and a few other parents came to the games. And by then even the REFS weren't paying attention. CHEW CHEW We were so happy when the season finally ended that we gave Coach Patel one of those victory baths like they do when a team wins a championship. But I hope he took a REAL shower when he got home, because that thing was full of SWEAT. SPLOOSH

到赛季快结束的时候，来看比赛的只剩我妈妈和寥寥几个其他家长 那时候就连裁判都懒得认真盯着了 嚼嚼 赛季终于结束，我们都开心坏了，就像夺冠队伍那样，给帕特尔教练办了胜利泼水浴 不过我希望他回家后真的好好冲了澡，那桶水可全是汗味儿 哗啦

After our last game, we had an end-of-season banquet at Marconi's Deli Bar. And the only reason Mr Marconi agreed to host it was because his restaurant still wasn't officially open and he needed the business. But I avoided any food with mayonnaise in it, just in case. MUNCH SNIFF CHOMP CHEW Coach Patel handed out awards, and every player got one. But, since no one was any GOOD this season, he had to get creative. This certificate is presented to Greg Heffley for trying to learn a new sport Drew Pared 175

最后一场比赛结束后，我们在马可尼熟食酒吧办了赛季末颁奖宴 马可尼先生答应承办，只因为他的店还没正式开业，需要拉点生意 不过我避开了所有加蛋黄酱的食物，以防万一 嚼嚼 嗅嗅 大嚼 咀嚼 帕特尔教练颁发奖项，每个队员都有份 不过因为我们这个赛季没人打得好，他只能想些新奇的奖项名头 这份证书颁发给格雷格·赫弗利，表彰他努力学习了一项新运动 德鲁·帕雷德 175