5

The Preston Platypus books all follow the same basic formula. At first, Preston's worried about something, and then his mom tells him things are gonna be OK, and she turns out to be RIGHT. I guess the reason I kept reading those books was because I always hoped there would be a bigTWIST at the end. And then I'd be disappointed when there WASN'T. So I started coming up with my OWN endings to the books. And when Mom saw what I'd drawn in the back of "Preston Platypus Goes to the Zoo" she took me to see a counsellor.

《鸭嘴兽普雷斯顿》这套书全都遵循同一个基本套路。 一开始普雷斯顿为某件事忧心忡忡，接着妈妈安慰他一切都会好起来，最后证明她说的完全没错。 我猜我一直坚持读这些书，是因为我总盼着结尾能有个大反转。 可每次都没有反转，我都会挺失望的。 所以我开始给这些书构思我自己的结局。 当妈妈看到我在《鸭嘴兽普雷斯顿去动物园》封底画的内容后，她带我去看了心理咨询师。

Saturday Today was Aunt Reba's funeral. Mom said we had to go because Aunt Reba didn't have much family, so we needed to show our support. She told us we all had to wear BLACK to the funeral, but when Rodrick came out wearing the outfit he wore to his last rock concert Mom made him go back inside and CHANGE. That's why we were fifteen minutes late to the funeral. When we got there, the service had already started, so we just stood at the back behind a crowd of people. I'd never been in a cemetery for that LONG before, so I felt a little NERVOUS.

星期六 今天是丽芭阿姨的葬礼。 妈妈说我们必须到场，因为丽芭阿姨没多少家人，我们得去表达悼念。 她要求我们所有人都穿黑色衣服去葬礼，可罗德里克出来时穿的是上次摇滚音乐会穿的衣服，妈妈就让他回去换掉。 这就是我们葬礼迟到十五分钟的原因。 我们到的时候，仪式已经开始了，所以我们就站在后方的人群后面。 我之前从来没在墓园待过这么久，所以我感觉有点紧张。

That's because Rodrick always says that when you go past a cemetery you need to hold your breath so you don't swallow a GHOST. Well, I held my breath for as long as I COULD today, but there was no WAY I could make it through the whole funeral. I just hope I didn't swallow any ghosts, because middle school is hard ENOUGH without being possessed by a person from the 1600s.

这都怪罗德里克，他总说经过墓园的时候得屏住呼吸，不然就会把鬼魂吞进肚子里。 好吧，今天我已经拼尽全力憋了很久，可我实在不可能全程都憋着气啊。 我只希望我没吞进鬼魂，毕竟中学已经够难捱了，哪受得了再被一个十七世纪的鬼魂附身。

Some of the tombstones had quotes on them, and that got me thinking about what I want written on MINE. Hopefully I'll say something really WISE right before I die, and they'll carve my last words on to my tombstone. But I'll probably say something really DUMB and they'll use it anyway. I've got a lot of questions about what happens to you after you die. For one thing, I wanna know how you LOOK in the afterlife.

有些墓碑上刻着名言，这让我忍不住开始想，我的墓碑上该写点什么。 我希望我临死前能说出一句特别有智慧的话，这样他们就能把我的遗言刻在墓碑上。 可我大概率会说一句特别蠢的话，结果他们还是会把那句话刻上去。 关于人死后会发生什么，我有一大堆问题。 首先，我想知道人在来世长什么样子。

If everyone's appearance is frozen when they pass away, then Heaven probably looks a lot like Leisure Towers. I wanna know what you WEAR up in Heaven, too. If you're stuck in the clothes you had on just before you died, I seriously hope nothing bad happens to me on HALLOWEEN.

如果每个人离世后样貌都定格在去世那一刻，那天堂肯定看起来和休闲塔公寓差不多。 我还想知道，你在天堂都穿什么衣服。 如果你得一直穿着去世前穿的那套衣服，那我真心祈祷我别在万圣节出什么意外。

I'll tell you this: I wanna stay alive for as long as I can. But I wouldn't want to live FOREVER. Whenever you see a movie about someone who becomes IMMORTAL, there's always a CATCH that totally ruins it. When a person is immortal, they always have to HIDE it from everyone else. I guess if people know you can't die they treat you like a MONSTER or something.

我跟你说实话：我想好好活着，能活多久就活多久。 但我可不想永远活着。 每当你看讲永生者的电影，总会有个陷阱把一切都毁掉。 永生的人总得向所有人隐瞒自己长生不老这件事。 我猜要是大家知道你不会死，就会把你当成怪物之类的。