6

Albert said the people in our town use the school cafeteria's walk-in freezer to store their pets for the winter, and that right now it's full to CAPACITY. I'm almost POSITIVE this is just another one of Albert's stupid made-up stories. But until we find our PIG, I'm not gonna order the Pork Barbecue Special, just in case. I'm seriously thinking of changing lunch tables, because I'm tired of sitting with Albert Sandy and all these other idiots every day. One kid I won't miss is Teddy Silvetti, who wears the same sweater all winter long.

阿尔伯特说，我们镇上的人冬天会把自家宠物寄存在学校食堂的大型冷藏柜里，现在冷藏柜已经塞得满满当当了 我几乎可以肯定，这又是阿尔伯特瞎编的蠢话 但在找到我们家的猪之前，我才不点烤猪肉特餐，以防万一 我认真考虑过换一张餐桌，我实在厌倦每天跟阿尔伯特、桑迪还有这帮蠢货坐在一起 有个叫泰迪·西尔维蒂的小孩我可不想跟他坐，他整个冬天都穿同一件毛衣

Teddy's sweater has NEVER been cleaned, and there are food stains all over it. Sometimes the kids at my table try to guess what each stain IS, which is what they were doing today. Sniff, sniff, lick, sniff. See, this is the reason girls at my school have pictures of pop singers in their lockers. The guys in my grade just aren't giving them any good OPTIONS. I can't even IMAGINE how many germs are on Teddy's sweater, which is why I sit at least two seats away from him.

泰迪的毛衣从来没洗过，上面全都是食物污渍 有时候我桌上的伙伴会猜每块污渍是什么东西，今天他们正好就在猜 闻一闻，闻一闻，舔一口，再闻一闻 你看，这就是为什么我们学校女生的储物柜里都贴着流行歌手的照片 我们年级的男生根本拿不出手，哪有什么好选的 我根本不敢想泰迪的毛衣上有多少细菌，所以我坐得离他至少隔两个位置

Most of my brain power at school goes to keeping tabs on whose germs are WHERE. And I've already filled up two notebooks this winter. Just a one page says ten o,three, a,m, justin t sneezed on hand and touched button on water fountain. Ten, twentyone. Am, shelby m coughed on pencil sharpener ten, twentythree. A,m, dylan l didn't wash hands after using the bathroom The times it gets tricky is when you have TWINS like Jeremy and Jameson Garza. I can't tell them apart, and today it looked to me like one was sick, but the other one WASN'T. So they were standing at a table, and one of them would go cough, cough, cough. And the other one didn't, but which one was, which.

我在学校的大部分精力都用来盯着，谁的细菌沾在了哪里 这个冬天我已经写满两个笔记本了 有一页写着：上午10点03分，贾斯汀·T打喷嚏后用手碰了饮水机的按钮 10点21分 上午10点23分，谢尔比·M对着卷笔刀咳嗽 上午，迪伦·L上完厕所没洗手。碰到加泽家的杰里米和詹姆森这种双胞胎的时候，事情就变得棘手了 我分不清他俩，今天我看着好像其中一个生病了，另一个没病 他俩站在桌子边，其中一个不停咳、咳、咳 另一个不咳，可我分不清到底哪个是哪个

So I shot a spitball in the sick one's hair to make it easier to keep track of him. The only GOOD thing about being sick is the cherry lozenges Mom gives me when I have a sore throat. I know you're supposed to suck on them real slow, but I chew those things like CANDY, and I go through a few packs a day. The girls in my grade LOVE the smell of cherry lozenges, which almost makes being sick WORTH it.

于是我往生病那个的头发上射了个纸团，这样就能更容易认出他了 生病唯一的好处就是，我喉咙痛的时候妈妈会给我樱桃润喉糖 我知道本该慢慢含着吃，但我就像嚼糖一样嚼它们，一天就能吃掉好几包 我们年级的女生超爱樱桃润喉糖的味道，这点几乎让生病都变得值得了

Unfortunately, the GUYS in my grade like the smell, too. And they're always trying to get me to GIVE them some. A few weeks ago, I thought I felt a sore throat coming on, and I brought three packs of cherry lozenges to school with me. I kept one pack in my pocket and the OTHER two in my locker. But Jake McGough sniffed out the packs I was keeping in my locker, and by the time I found out, Speed Bump had already picked the lock. So there were a bunch of dudes standing in front of my locker, going, chomp, chomp, chew, che. I wish I didn't have to go to school at ALL during cold and flu season. Maybe one day I'll buy one of those big plastic bubbles so I'm not exposed to other kids" germs.

可惜的是，我们年级的男生也喜欢这个味道 他们还总缠着我分给他们一些吃 几周前，我感觉喉咙快要痛了，就带了三包樱桃润喉糖去学校 我把一包放在口袋里，另外两包放在储物柜里 可杰克·麦高闻着味儿找到了我藏在储物柜里的糖，等我发现的时候，斯皮德·邦普已经把锁撬开了 结果一群男生站在我储物柜门口，咔嚓咔嚓嚼得欢 我真希望流感季根本不用去上学 说不定哪天我会买一个那种大大的塑料泡泡，这样我就不会沾到别的小孩的细菌了

But I'm sure my bubble wouldn't last a DAY before some jerk popped it. I'd be standing there in my bubble wall. Everybody goes, cough, cough, cough, splat. And then somebody would pop my bubble go uh, Even though I hate being sick, I'm kind of glad they haven't come up with a cure for the cold yet. Because if they DID, I wouldn't be able to fake being sick and stay home from school to play video games. Me on my bed. I'm not feeling so good. Mom. Yeah, right today,

但我敢肯定，不出一天就会有混蛋把我的泡泡戳破 我本来好好站在我的泡泡里 大家咳啊咳啊，然后啪的一声 接着就有人戳破我的泡泡。话说回来，虽然我讨厌生病，但我还挺开心现在还没发明出感冒的特效药 因为要是真有了特效药，我就不能装病待在家里不上学玩电子游戏了 我躺在床上 我感觉不太舒服 妈妈 对啦，今天