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What really stinks is that when Mom catches us BEHAVING on the weekends, she thinks it's PROOF that Screen-Free Weekends are working. So lately, me and Rodrick have been remembering to MISBEHAVE on Saturdays and Sundays so Mom doesn't think her no-electronics policy is working. Rodri tipped over a soda bottle for no reason, and I drank milk straight from the carton. G, g, g, g. And MANNY joins in, too, because I guess he likes to do whatever his big brothers are doing. So he kicked his food off the table. Kick splosh.

最讨厌的就是，要是妈妈周末抓到我们乖乖听话，她就会觉得“无屏幕周末”这招奏效了。 所以最近我和罗德里克，周末就特意调皮捣蛋，不让妈妈觉得她的禁电子设备政策有用。 罗德里平白无故掀翻汽水瓶，我直接抱着牛奶盒喝牛奶。 叽、叽、叽、叽。曼尼也跟着凑热闹，反正他就喜欢学哥哥们做的事。 所以他一脚把自己的食物踹下了桌子。 哐当哗啦。

Mom says kids these days don't know how to interact with one another, because we're always staring at our screens. So she's been working with me and Rodrick on our "social skills." One thing Mom's always trying to get me to do is to look her in the eye when I'm talking to her. I can do that for a LITTLE while but after a few seconds it just gets too weird. So she'll say, so, tell me about your day, and i'll look her in the eye and say it was put on the glue. The latest thing Mom's been making me do is practice shaking hands with Dad. But that's awkward for BOTHof us.

妈妈说现在的小孩不会跟人交往，因为我们总盯着电子屏幕看。 所以她一直带着我和罗德里克练习“社交技巧”。 妈妈一直要求我，跟她说话的时候要看着她的眼睛。 我勉强能撑个几秒，再久就觉得怪得不行。 所以她会说“来，跟我说说你今天过得怎么样”，我盯着她眼睛说，今天过得粘粘糊糊的。 妈妈最近逼我做的新练习，是跟爸爸练习握手。 可我们俩都觉得尴尬得要命。

Mom wants me to "branch out" and make more friends in the neighborhood. But I'm already friends with ROWLEY, and he's all I can really handle right now. especially during international showcase day, he'll sit there and say things like thirty a bottle of tea. Even though there are a ton of kids on my street, I really can't see being friends with any of them. I ALREADY feel like I'm making an exception for Rowley, and the options go downhill from there. Our house is halfway up Surrey Street, and Rowley's house is near the top. Sometimes it's a pain to even go see HIM, because I have to pass by FREGLEY'S house to do it. And nine times out of ten, Fregley is hanging out in his front yard.

妈妈想让我“拓展社交”，在小区多交几个朋友。 可我已经有罗利了，我现在也就吃得消他一个。 尤其是国际展示日那天，他坐在那儿乱说，比如什么“三十块一瓶茶”。 哪怕我这条街上好多小孩，我真觉得跟谁都处不来。 我已经给罗利开特例了，剩下的还不如他呢。 我家在萨里街的半山坡，罗利家快到山顶了。 有时候去找他都嫌麻烦，因为我得路过弗雷格家。 而且十有八九，弗雷格都在他家前院晃悠。

He'll stand there and say that BETCHA I can find your tickle spot, and i'll just shudder Across the street from Fregley is Jacob Hoff, but he almost never comes outside because his parents are always making him practice the clarinet. And on either side of Jacob are Ernesto Gutierrez and Gabriel Johns, who are in, my grade. Ernesto and Gabriel are nice kids and all, but they BOTH have bad breath, so those two are perfect for each other.

他就站在那儿说“我打赌 我能找到你的痒痒肉”，听得我浑身发毛。弗雷格家街对面是雅各布·霍夫，可他几乎从不出来，因为他爸妈总逼他练单簧管。 雅各布家两边分别是欧内斯托·古铁雷斯和加布里埃尔·琼斯，他俩跟我同年级。 欧内斯托和加布里埃尔人都不错，可他俩都有口臭，所以他俩凑一对正好。

Two doors down from me is David Marsh, who's really into karate. He's best friends with Joseph O'Rourke, who's always doing something to get himself injured. like jumping off a ladder on to his mini trampoline, jump, bounce, www crash. Oh, Next door to Joseph is Mitchell Pickett, who makes a killing selling premade snowballs in the winter. And mark my words, one day that kid's gonna be a MILLIONAIRE. Thank you very much. Coaching.

离我家两户的大卫·马什特别喜欢空手道。 他最好的朋友是约瑟夫·奥罗克，那家伙总能把自己弄受伤。 比如从梯子跳到迷你蹦床，跳，弹，哐——摔了。 哦，约瑟夫隔壁是米切尔·皮克特，他冬天卖现成的雪球赚了好多钱。 记住我说的，这小子以后肯定能成百万富翁。 多谢捧场。 指导完毕。

Mitchell lives next to a boy one year younger than me who everybody calls Speed Bump. But people steer clear of him because his two older brothers are already in jail. There's a kid named Pervis Gentry who has a tree house in his backyard, and he spends his summers solving neighborhood crimes. But most of the time the person responsible is Speed Bump. so speed bump will climb up there. Shove

米切尔隔壁住个比我小一岁的男孩，大家都叫他“减速带”。 可大家都躲着他，因为他两个哥哥已经进监狱了。 有个叫珀维斯·金特里的小孩，后院有个树屋，他夏天就忙着侦破小区里的案子。 可大部分时候，肇事者就是“减速带”本人。 所以“减速带”就得爬上树屋。 一推。