6

I walked toward the front of the plane, but before I even got to the first-class section, the flight attendant told me that economy passengers have to use the restroom in the BACK. The bathroom in the economy section was really small, but being in there was a HUNDRED times better than being stuck in my seat. It was sort of like a tiny little apartment I had all to myself.

In science class, we learned that when human waste gets dropped out of an airplane toilet, it freezes solid. Some guy in my town once found a chunk of waste that fell from a plane, and he thought it was a METEORITE. EXCLUSIVE: METEORITE CRASHES THROUGH MAN'S SHED I think the guy was hoping to sell it for a lot of money, but once the thing thawed he found out what he had was totally worthless.

Once I was settled into the bathroom, I figured there was no reason to go back to my seat. So whenever someone ELSE came along to use it, I just made bathroom noises until they went away. One person must've really needed to go, because they shook the door handle so hard that I thought it might actually break OFF. Then they went away. But a few minutes later, the whole BATHROOM shook.

Whoever this was needed to use the bathroom a lot more than I did, so I opened the door. But there was no one THERE. That's when I realized it wasn't just the bathroom shaking, it was the whole PLANE. I thought we must've landed in the water or lost an engine or something. But then the pilot came over the intercom. НЕН НЕН. FOLKS, WE JUST HIT A LITTLE PATCH OF BUMPY AIR.

That didn't sound right to ME. I figured what REALLY happened was that the pilot fell asleep in his seat and kicked the steering wheel or something, and then he came up with this "bumpy air" excuse. Because that's EXACTLY what I'd do if I were in the same situation. I guess the flight attendant could see that I was pretty rattled. He said we were just going through a little "turbulence," which was perfectly normal for a flight like this.

Well, if this kind of thing is NORMAL, then there's no chance I'm ever becoming a pilot. Because if I were flying the plane, I'd be out of there at the first sign of trouble. The flight attendant told me I needed to return to my seat and buckle up. But when I got back there, it was already occupied. I didn't want to move the baby, because I knew it would just wake up and start crying again.