5

One of the toys was a plastic hammer. And as soon as the baby got that thing in its hand, it started pounding on the WINDOW. I've heard that if a window on a plane breaks, everything inside gets sucked OUTSIDE. And that didn't really seem like a good way to go. So when the lady's head was turned, I swiped the hammer from the baby and tucked it under my seat.

其中一个玩具是一个塑料锤子。 孩子一拿到那个东西，就开始砸窗户。 我听说如果飞机的窗户破了，里面的东西都会被吸到外面去。 这似乎不是一个好办法。 所以，当那位女士转过头来的时候，我从婴儿手里夺过锤子，塞到我的座位下面。

Unfortunately, that set the baby off. It turns out nobody likes a crying baby on a plane, and everyone started shooting us dirty looks. Luckily, the lady had a bottle in her bag, and that quieted the kid down for a while. I was getting kind of hungry myself, so I pressed the button for the flight attendant and asked when we could expect to get FED. But he said meals were only for first-class passengers, and he gave me a bag of peanuts to hold me over.

不幸的是，这引起了婴儿的反应。 结果没人喜欢飞机上哭闹的婴儿，所有人都开始向我们抛媚眼。 幸运的是，这位女士的包里有一瓶，这让孩子安静了一会儿。 我自己也有点饿了，所以我按下了空乘人员的按钮，问我们什么时候可以吃到食物。 但他说只有头等舱的乘客才有饭吃，他还给了我一袋花生，让我保持镇定。

That's when I remembered the snacks I'd bought before we got on the plane. But THEN I remembered that they were in my carry-on bag, which was stowed down below. I guess Mom must've been thinking about food, too. Because as soon as the pilot said we had reached our "cruising altitude" and we were free to move about the cabin, Mom unbuckled her seatbelt and went up to first class with Manny, just in time for dinner. I felt something cold and clammy touch my left elbow, and then something ELSE touched my RIGHT one. The guy behind me had taken off his shoes and socks and slid his feet through the spaces between the seats.

这时我想起了上飞机前买的零食。 但后来我想起来它们在我随身携带的包里，就藏在下面。 我猜妈妈一定也在想着吃的。 因为当飞行员说我们已经到达了“巡航高度”，我们可以在机舱里自由活动时，妈妈解开安全带，和曼尼一起上了头等舱，正好赶上吃晚饭。 我感到有什么又冷又湿的东西碰到了我的左手肘，然后又有什么东西碰到了我的右手肘。 我后面的那个人脱下了鞋子和袜子，用脚在座位之间的空隙里滑来滑去。

So I guess this guy decided it was OK to use my ARMRESTS as his FOOTRESTS. I was starting to feel boxed in, and then the person in the seat in front of me tilted his seat all the way back, so it was just a few inches from my face. I tried to tilt MY seat back, but I couldn't find the button to do it.

所以我猜这个家伙决定用我的扶手作为他的脚踏板。 我开始觉得被困住了，然后坐在我前面的人把他的座位向后倾斜，所以离我的脸只有几英寸。 我试着把座位向后倾斜，但找不到按钮。

So I called the flight attendant and asked him where the button was. But he told me the seats in our row didn't tilt back because they'd block the emergency row. Now I was starting to SWEAT. I thought I'd read a magazine to take my mind off feeling trapped, but the only thing in the seat pocket was a catalog for all this stuff no one needs. Pizza Blanket Night-time cravings? Satisfy them with the Pizza Blanket, edible bedding that's warm AND tasty! Comes in pepperoni, extra cheese, and anchovies. Snoozos When you just can't sit through that boring meeting, Snoozes glasses make you look wide awake... even when you're anything but! Phone Bubble Protect your phone on rainy days with this clear plastic bubble!

于是我打电话给空乘，问他按钮在哪里。 但他告诉我，我们那排的座位不会向后倾斜，因为它们会挡住紧急那排。 现在我开始出汗了。 我以为我应该读一本杂志来放松一下被困住的感觉，但座位口袋里唯一的东西就是一本目录，上面都是没人需要的东西。 晚上想吃披萨毯？ 用披萨毯来满足他们，这是温暖又美味的可食用床上用品！有意大利辣香肠，额外的奶酪和凤尾鱼。 当你实在坐不住开完那个无聊的会议时，戴上这款眼镜会让你看起来很清醒…… 即使你不是！雨天用这个透明的塑料泡泡保护你的手机！

The people on either side of me were watching a movie, so I figured I'd turn my screen on and check it out. The movie looked like a comedy, but my headphones were in my bag, and it was hard to understand what was going on without them. I changed the channel to see what ELSE there was to watch. One channel had a show for little kids, and the baby next to me got interested in what was on my screen. And when I changed it to something else, the kid starte BAWLING.

我两边的人都在看电影，所以我想我应该打开屏幕看看。 这部电影看起来像一部喜剧，但我的耳机在我的包里，没有它们我很难理解发生了什么。 我换了台，看看还有什么可看的。 一个频道有一个给小孩子看的节目，我旁边的婴儿对我屏幕上的节目很感兴趣。 当我把它换成别的东西时，孩子开始嚎啕大哭。