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Then I finally realized that Mr. Halper's Helpers were all the brainiest kids in our grade. Mom thought I belonged in Talented and Gifted, so she tried to convince the school to let me in. But I had to take a TEST to prove I was smart enough. I don't remember everything on the test, but I do remember one of the questions. Fill in the blank: Johnny is the best at math. Johnny is the best at swimming. Johnny is the best at reading. Johnny is

然后我终于意识到，哈尔珀先生的助手们都是我们年级最聪明的孩子。 妈妈认为我属于天才和天才，所以她试图说服学校让我进去。 但我必须参加考试来证明我足够聪明。 我不记得考试的所有内容，但我记得其中一个问题。 填空：约翰尼最擅长数学。 约翰尼最擅长游泳。 约翰尼最擅长阅读。 约翰尼是

Looking back, I guess I was supposed to write down something else Johnny was the best at. But I really didn't like this Johnny character, so I wrote something different. Johnny is a show-off Even though I totally flunked the test, Mom was mad at the school because she thought I was smart enough to be in Talented and Gifted. But believe me, those kids are on a whole different level. I'm actually kind of grateful I didn't make the cut, because in middle school, kids like Alex Aruda have to stay inside during recess to do the teachers' tax returns.

回想起来，我想我应该写一些约翰尼最擅长的东西。 但我真的不喜欢约翰尼这个角色，所以我写了一些不同的东西。 尽管我考试完全不及格，妈妈还是对学校很生气，因为她认为我足够聪明，可以上天才和天才班。 但相信我，那些孩子完全是另一种人。 其实我很庆幸自己没有入选，因为在中学，像亚历克斯·阿鲁达这样的孩子在课间休息的时候必须呆在家里帮老师报税。

I guess Mom felt pretty bad I didn't get into Talented and Gifted, but a few weeks later she told me some good news. She said I got picked by the school to be in a special club called the "Champs" that had secret meetings twice a week. Well, I was really excited about this Champs thing and was nervous when I went to my first secret meeting. But it turns out the Champs were just kids like me who had trouble pronouncing their "R"s, and we had to work with Mrs. Pressey on Tuesdays and Thursdays in the library to try to improve. I don't know who came up with the Champs name, but let me tell you, we thought it was AWESOME.

我猜妈妈对我没能进入天才与天才学校感到很难过，但几周后她告诉了我一些好消息。 她说我被学校选中加入了一个叫做“冠军”的特殊俱乐部，每周有两次秘密会议。 我对香榭丽舍的事很兴奋，第一次参加秘密会议时也很紧张。 但事实证明，钱普斯家的孩子和我一样，都是发“R”音有困难的孩子，我们不得不每周二和周四在图书馆和普雷西老师一起努力提高自己的发音。 我不知道是谁想出了冠军的名字，但让我告诉你，我们觉得这太棒了。

During recess, if the Champs were coming through, all the other kids got out of the way. The only kids who didn't like us were the Language Lizards, which was the group that met on Mondays and Wednesdays to work on their "S" sounds. But I think the Language Lizards were just jealous of us because they had such a lousy name.

课间休息时，如果冠军队要来，其他的孩子就会让开。 唯一不喜欢我们的孩子是“语言蜥蜴”，这是一个每周一和周三聚在一起练习“S”音的小组。 但我觉得语言蜥蜴只是嫉妒我们，因为它们的名字太难听了。

Me and the other Champs were tight, and I really looked forward to those Tuesday and Thursday meetings because they always ended up turning into a free-for-all. But Mom got frustrated that I wasn't making any progress with my Rs, so she hired a private tutor to work with me after school. And after a few months, I could say my Rs with no problem. RAT ROCK RESTROOM RAINBOW RATTLE

我和其他冠军关系很紧，我真的很期待那些周二和周四的会议，因为他们总是以一场混战告终。 但是妈妈对我的r没有任何进步感到沮丧，所以她请了一位私人教师在放学后辅导我。 几个月后，我可以毫无问题地说r了。 鼠岩厕所彩虹拨浪鼓

Unfortunately, that meant I didn't need to be in the Champs anymore. For a few weeks I actually FAKED like I couldn't say my Rs just so I could stay in the club. But one day I let my guard down and slipped up. HAND ME THAT RED RULER, RANDY! From that day on I was an outcast. Even the Language Lizards didn't want anything to do with me.

不幸的是，这意味着我不需要再参加冠军了。 有几个星期，我假装不会说“r”，这样我就可以留在俱乐部了。 但有一天，我放松了警惕，犯了个错误。 把那把红色尺子递给我，兰迪！从那天起，我就成了一个弃儿。 就连语言蜥蜴也不想和我有任何瓜葛。