13

First of all, the only doctor I know is our pediatrician, Dr. Higgins, and I can't see myself spending the rest of my life suctioning mucus out of little kids' noses. And second, being a garbage collector seems like a pretty sweet deal to ME. The guys who collect our trash get to be outside every day and crank their music up really loud. So if the video game tester thing doesn't work out for me, garbage collector seems like a good fallback plan. When I was little, Mom always told me I could be anything I wanted when I grew up.

首先，我唯一认识的医生是我们的儿科医生。 希金斯，我不能想象自己的下半辈子都要从小孩子的鼻子里吸鼻涕。 其次，对我来说，做一名垃圾收集者似乎是一份很不错的工作。 收垃圾的人每天都在外面把音乐开得很大。 所以如果电子游戏测试员的工作不适合我，垃圾收集器似乎是一个不错的后备计划。 当我还小的时候，妈妈总是告诉我长大后我可以成为任何我想成为的人。

I didn't find out until later on that she was just talking about JOBS. I thought I could literally be ANYTHING. Mom's always saying we have a lot of brains in our family, and that one of my great-great-great aunts helped invent a cure for a disease way back when.

后来我才知道她说的是乔布斯。 我以为我真的可以成为任何东西。 妈妈总是说我们家的人很聪明，我的一位曾曾曾姨婆曾经帮助发明了一种治疗疾病的方法。

But trust me, we've got a lot of real DUMMIES in our family, too. Just last week my uncle Gary cut down a big branch that was overhanging his driveway, and he ended up breaking his collarbone. With people like Uncle Gary in my gene pool, it's a miracle I can even tie my own shoes. But Mom's always saying I can do great things if I put my mind to it.

但相信我，我们家也有很多真正的傻瓜。 就在上周，我叔叔加里砍倒了一根悬在车道上的大树枝，结果他的锁骨骨折了。 有加里叔叔这样的人在我的基因库里，我能自己系鞋带都是个奇迹了。 但妈妈总是说，只要我用心，我就能做成大事。

Albert Sandy says human beings only use 80% of our brains, and if we can tap into the OTHER 20%, we can do amazing things. If I'm the one who figures out how to tap into that extra 20%, though, I'm keeping that knowledge to myself. Because if you have all these people going around using their brains at full capacity, it's gonna be totally bananas.

阿尔伯特·桑迪说，人类只使用了大脑的80%，如果我们能利用剩下的20%，我们就能做出惊人的事情。 不过，如果我是那个知道如何利用那额外20%的人，我会把这些知识留给自己。 因为如果你让这些人满负荷运转，那就太疯狂了。

Wednesday Mom's been trying to get Rodrick excited about college, and said it's time for him to get serious about looking into schools. But Rodrick's still convinced his band is gonna make it big and that college is just a waste of time for a guy like him. I think Mom's starting to get a little worried, because now she's making Rodrick research colleges for a half hour a day instead of doing chores. Rodrick wrote to a handful of schools to ask for their brochures, and Mom got all excited when they came in the mail. But most of the colleges were for DOGS, which either Rodrick didn't notice or he thinks those might be the only schools he has a chance of getting into.

星期三妈妈一直在努力让罗德里克对上大学感到兴奋，她说现在是他认真考虑上大学的时候了。 但罗德里克仍然相信他的乐队会成功对他这样的人来说上大学只是浪费时间。 我觉得妈妈开始有点担心了，因为她现在让罗德里克每天花半小时研究大学而不是做家务。 罗德里克给几所学校写了信，要他们的宣传册，妈妈收到宣传册后非常兴奋。 但大多数大学都是为狗狗准备的，罗德里克要么没有注意到这一点，要么他认为这可能是他唯一有机会进入的学校。

Since Mom can't get Rodrick interested in college, she's turned her attention to ME. On Monday, Mom took me to her school so I could see what the campus was like, and I have to admit it was actually kind of cool.

自从妈妈不能让罗德里克对大学感兴趣，她就把注意力转向了ME。 周一，妈妈带我去了她的学校，让我看看校园是什么样的，我不得不承认，那真的很酷。