13

First of all, the only doctor I know is our pediatrician, Dr. Higgins, and I can't see myself spending the rest of my life suctioning mucus out of little kids' noses. And second, being a garbage collector seems like a pretty sweet deal to ME. The guys who collect our trash get to be outside every day and crank their music up really loud. So if the video game tester thing doesn't work out for me, garbage collector seems like a good fallback plan. When I was little, Mom always told me I could be anything I wanted when I grew up.

I didn't find out until later on that she was just talking about JOBS. I thought I could literally be ANYTHING. Mom's always saying we have a lot of brains in our family, and that one of my great-great-great aunts helped invent a cure for a disease way back when.

But trust me, we've got a lot of real DUMMIES in our family, too. Just last week my uncle Gary cut down a big branch that was overhanging his driveway, and he ended up breaking his collarbone. With people like Uncle Gary in my gene pool, it's a miracle I can even tie my own shoes. But Mom's always saying I can do great things if I put my mind to it.

Albert Sandy says human beings only use 80% of our brains, and if we can tap into the OTHER 20%, we can do amazing things. If I'm the one who figures out how to tap into that extra 20%, though, I'm keeping that knowledge to myself. Because if you have all these people going around using their brains at full capacity, it's gonna be totally bananas.

Wednesday Mom's been trying to get Rodrick excited about college, and said it's time for him to get serious about looking into schools. But Rodrick's still convinced his band is gonna make it big and that college is just a waste of time for a guy like him. I think Mom's starting to get a little worried, because now she's making Rodrick research colleges for a half hour a day instead of doing chores. Rodrick wrote to a handful of schools to ask for their brochures, and Mom got all excited when they came in the mail. But most of the colleges were for DOGS, which either Rodrick didn't notice or he thinks those might be the only schools he has a chance of getting into.

Since Mom can't get Rodrick interested in college, she's turned her attention to ME. On Monday, Mom took me to her school so I could see what the campus was like, and I have to admit it was actually kind of cool.