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For one thing, it's not dignified to share a room with a person who doesn't wear pants after dinner. And Grandpa's almost just as bad. When he moved out of Leisure Towers, his girlfriend, Darlene, broke up with him. Lately, he's been moping around the house in a bathrobe, which means I can't really have friends over.

I figure the sooner Grandpa's back in the game, the sooner he moves out. So I've been showing Grandpa how to do online dating to help him break out of his funk. I think I've created a MONSTER, though. Now Grandpa's on the computer twenty-four hours a day, and he's got at LEAST fifty relationships going simultaneously. Don't even ask me how he keeps track of who's who. Belinda has sent you a wink Bethany would like to meet you Martha likes your profile picture Tiffany has sent you a poke Sylvie likes your knock- knock joke Marjorie thinks you are nice

Things are starting to turn around for Rodrick, too. He told Mom he got a promotion at work, so of course tonight we had to pile into the car to go show him our support. I'm not sure if I'd call Rodrick's new position a PROMOTION, though. They've got him dressing up as Old-Timey Tobias, the restaurant's mascot. Apparently the guy who had the job LAST got fired for being seen without his head on. And I'm guessing when it comes to mascots, that's a HUGE no-no.

Old-Timey Tobias is supposed to walk around the restaurant and go from table to table making little kids happy. But as far as I can tell, he has the OPPOSITE effect. In fact, kids seem to really HATE Old-Timey Tobias. When we got there tonight, Rodrick was getting it from every side.

Rodrick told Mom that his manager warned him if he was ever caught without his Tobias head on, he'd be fired on the spot. Luckily, one of the eyes on the costume's head comes out, which is the only way Rodrick was able to stay hydrated. I'm starting to wonder if the guy who had the job dressing up as Old-Timey Tobias got fired on PURPOSE. If I had to bet on how long Rodrick lasts, I'd give him two weeks, tops.

Friday All the buzz at school has been about this big trip to Hardscrabble Farms that's coming up next month. When you get to my grade, the whole class goes on a weeklong trip to this place where you sleep in log cabins and learn about nature and hard work. I'm sure it's a blast if you're into that sort of thing, but I've already decided I'm gonna be the one kid who stays BACK when everybody else heads off on the trip.