4

For one thing, it's not dignified to share a room with a person who doesn't wear pants after dinner. And Grandpa's almost just as bad. When he moved out of Leisure Towers, his girlfriend, Darlene, broke up with him. Lately, he's been moping around the house in a bathrobe, which means I can't really have friends over.

首先，和一个晚饭后不穿裤子的人共用一个房间是不体面的。 爷爷也差不多一样坏。 当他搬出Leisure Towers时，他的女友达琳（Darlene）与他分手了。 最近，他总是穿着浴袍在家里闷闷不乐，这意味着我不能邀请朋友过来。

I figure the sooner Grandpa's back in the game, the sooner he moves out. So I've been showing Grandpa how to do online dating to help him break out of his funk. I think I've created a MONSTER, though. Now Grandpa's on the computer twenty-four hours a day, and he's got at LEAST fifty relationships going simultaneously. Don't even ask me how he keeps track of who's who. Belinda has sent you a wink Bethany would like to meet you Martha likes your profile picture Tiffany has sent you a poke Sylvie likes your knock- knock joke Marjorie thinks you are nice

我觉得爷爷越早回来，他就越早搬出去。 所以我一直在教爷爷如何进行网上约会，以帮助他摆脱恐惧。 不过我觉得我创造了一个怪物。 现在爷爷一天24小时都在电脑前，而且他至少有50段恋情同时进行。 别问我他是怎么知道谁是谁的。 贝琳达对你使眼色贝瑟妮想见见你玛莎喜欢你的头像蒂凡尼戳了你一下西尔维喜欢你的敲门笑话马乔里觉得你很好

Things are starting to turn around for Rodrick, too. He told Mom he got a promotion at work, so of course tonight we had to pile into the car to go show him our support. I'm not sure if I'd call Rodrick's new position a PROMOTION, though. They've got him dressing up as Old-Timey Tobias, the restaurant's mascot. Apparently the guy who had the job LAST got fired for being seen without his head on. And I'm guessing when it comes to mascots, that's a HUGE no-no.

罗德里克的情况也开始好转了。 他告诉妈妈他升职了，所以今晚我们当然得挤进车里去支持他。 不过，我不确定罗德里克的新职位是否可以称为晋升。 他们让他打扮成老时代的托拜厄斯，餐厅的吉祥物。 很显然，上一个得到这份工作的人因为被人看见不戴头巾而被解雇了。 我猜当涉及到吉祥物时，这是一个巨大的禁忌。

Old-Timey Tobias is supposed to walk around the restaurant and go from table to table making little kids happy. But as far as I can tell, he has the OPPOSITE effect. In fact, kids seem to really HATE Old-Timey Tobias. When we got there tonight, Rodrick was getting it from every side.

旧时代的托拜厄斯应该在餐厅里走来走去，从一张桌子走到另一张桌子，让小孩子们开心。 但据我所知，他有相反的效果。 事实上，孩子们似乎真的很讨厌旧时代的托比亚斯。 当我们今晚到达那里时，罗德里克从四面八方都能得到。

Rodrick told Mom that his manager warned him if he was ever caught without his Tobias head on, he'd be fired on the spot. Luckily, one of the eyes on the costume's head comes out, which is the only way Rodrick was able to stay hydrated. I'm starting to wonder if the guy who had the job dressing up as Old-Timey Tobias got fired on PURPOSE. If I had to bet on how long Rodrick lasts, I'd give him two weeks, tops.

罗德里克告诉妈妈，他的经理警告他，如果他被抓到没有戴上托拜厄斯，他就会被当场解雇。 幸运的是，戏服头上的一只眼睛露出来了，这是罗德里克保持水分的唯一方法。 我开始怀疑那个把工作打扮成旧时代托比亚斯的人是不是故意被解雇的。 如果要我赌罗德里克能撑多久，我觉得最多两周。

Friday All the buzz at school has been about this big trip to Hardscrabble Farms that's coming up next month. When you get to my grade, the whole class goes on a weeklong trip to this place where you sleep in log cabins and learn about nature and hard work. I'm sure it's a blast if you're into that sort of thing, but I've already decided I'm gonna be the one kid who stays BACK when everybody else heads off on the trip.

学校里所有的议论都是关于下个月去郝刻薄农场的大旅行。 当你达到我的年级时，全班都会去一个地方进行为期一周的旅行，在那里你可以睡在小木屋里，学习自然和艰苦的工作。 如果你对这类事情感兴趣，我肯定会很开心，但我已经决定，当其他人都出发旅行的时候，我要做一个留在家里的孩子。