8 The Toad and the Snail

The Toad and the Snail I really am most awfully fond Of playing in the lily-pond. I take off shoes and socks and coat And paddle with my little boat. Now yesterday, quite suddenly, A giant toad came up to me. This toad was easily as big As any fair-sized fattish pig. He smiled and said "How do you do? "Hello! Good morning! How are you?"

(His face somehow reminded me Of mummy's sister Emily.) The toad said, "Don't you think I'm fine? "Admire these lovely legs of mine, "And I am sure you've never seen "A toad so gloriously green!" I said, "So far as I can see, "You look just like Aunt Emily." He said, "I'll bet Aunt Emily

"Can't jump one half as high as me. "Hop on my back, young friend," he cried, "I'll take you for a marvellous ride." As I got on, I thought, oh blimey, Oh, deary me. How wet and slimy! "Sit further back," he said. "That's right. "I'm going to jump, so hold on tight." He jumped! Oh, how he jumped! By gum, I thought my final hour had come! My wretched eardrums popped and fizzed. My eyeballs watered. Up we whizzed. I clung on tight. I shouted, "How "Much further are we going now?" Toad said, his face all wreathed in smiles, "With every jump, it's fifty miles!" Quite literally, we jumped all over,

From Scotland to The Cliffs of Dover! Above the Cliffs, we stopped for tea, And Toad said, gazing at the sea, "What do you say we take a chance, "And jump from England into France?" I said, "Oh dear, d'you think we oughta? "I'd hate to finish in the water." But toads, you'll find, don't give a wink For what we little children think. He didn't bother to reply. He jumped! You should have seen us fly! We simply soared across the sea,

The marvellous Mister Toad and me. Then down we came, and down and down, And landed in a funny town. We landed hard, in fact we bounced. "We're there! It's France!" the Toad announced. He said, "You must admit it's grand "To jump into a foreign land. "No boats, no bicycles, no trains, "No cars, no noisy aeroplanes." Just then, we heard a fearful shout, "Oh, heavens above!" the Toad cried out. I turned and saw a frightening sight– On every side, to left, to right, People were running down the road, Running at me and Mister Toad, And every person, man and wife Was brandishing a carving-knife.

It didn't take me very long To figure there was something wrong. And yet, how could a small boy know, For nobody had told me so, That Frenchmen aren't like you or me, They do things very differently. They won't say "yards", they call them "metres", And they're the most peculiar eaters: A Frenchman frequently regales Himself with half-a-dozen SNAILS! The greedy ones will gulp a score Of these foul brutes and ask for more. (In many of the best hotels The people also eat the shells.) Imagine that! My stomach turns!