20 The Royal Break fast

The Royal Breakfast There was a frantic scurry among the Palace servants when orders were received from the Queen that a twenty-four-foot giant must be seated with Her Majesty in the Great Ballroom within the next half-hour. The butler, an imposing personage named Mr Tibbs, was in supreme command of all the Palace servants and he did the best he could in the short time available. A man does not rise to become the Queen's butler unless he is gifted with extraordinary ingenuity, adaptability, versatility, dexterity, cunning, sophistication, sagacity, discretion and a host of other talents that neither you nor I possess. Mr Tibbs had them all. He was in the butler's pantry sipping an early morning glass of light ale when the order reached him. In a split second he had made the following calculations in his head: if a normal six-foot man requires a three-foot-high table to eat off, a

当接到女王的命令，要求一位24英尺高的巨人必须在半小时内与女王陛下一起在大宴会厅就座时，宫中的仆人们都忙得不可开交。 男管家是一位威严的人物，名叫蒂布斯先生，掌管着宫殿里所有的仆人，他在有限的时间内尽了最大的努力。 一个人要想成为女王的管家，就必须具备非凡的聪明才智、适应能力、多才多艺、灵巧、狡猾、老练、睿智、谨慎以及一大堆你我都不具备的才能。 蒂布斯先生全都有。当他接到命令时，他正在管家的食品室里喝着一杯清晨的淡啤酒。 刹那间，他在脑子里做了下面的计算:如果一个身高六英尺的人需要一张三英尺高的桌子来吃饭，那么他就需要一张三英尺高的桌子

twenty-four-foot giant will require a twelve-foothigh table. And if a six-foot man requires a chair with a two-foot-high seat, a twenty-four-foot giant will require a chair with an eight-foot-high seat. Everything, Mr Tibbs told himself, must be multiplied by four. Two breakfast eggs must become eight. Four rashers of bacon must become sixteen. Three pieces of toast must become twelve, and so on. These calculations about food were immediately passed on to Monsieur Papillion, the royal chef. Mr Tibbs skimmed into the Ballroom (butlers don't walk, they skim over the ground) followed by a whole army of footmen. The footmen all wore knee-breeches and every one of them displayed beautifully rounded calves and ankles. There is no way you can become a royal footman unless you have a well-turned ankle. It is the first thing they look at when you are interviewed. 'Push the grand piano into the centre of the room,' Mr Tibbs whispered. Butlers never raise their voices above the softest whisper. Four footmen moved the piano.

24英尺的巨人需要一张12英尺高的桌子。 如果一个6英尺高的人需要一把2英尺高的椅子，那么一个24英尺高的巨人就需要一把8英尺高的椅子。 蒂布斯先生告诉自己，一切都必须乘以四。 两个早餐鸡蛋必须变成八个。 4片培根必须变成16片。 三片吐司必须变成十二片，以此类推。 这些关于食物的计算结果立即传递给了御厨帕皮利翁先生。 蒂布斯先生在一大群男仆的簇拥下快步走进舞厅(管家们不走路，他们在地面上快步走)。 男仆们都穿着及膝马裤，每个人都展示着优美的小腿和脚踝。 除非你的脚踝很好，否则你是不可能成为皇家男仆的。 这是面试时他们首先看的东西。 “把大钢琴推到房间中央，”蒂布斯先生低声说。 管家们的声音从来不会超过最轻柔的耳语。 四个男仆搬着钢琴。

'Now fetch a large chest-of-drawers and put it on top of the piano,' Mr Tibbs whispered. Three other footmen fetched a very fine Chippendale mahogany chest-of-drawers and placed it on top of the piano. 'That will be his chair,' Mr Tibbs whispered. 'It is exactly eight feet off the ground. Now we shall make a table upon which this gentleman may eat his breakfast in comfort. Fetch me four very tall grandfather clocks. There are plenty of them around the Palace. Let each clock be twelve feet high.' Sixteen footmen spread out around the Palace to find the clocks. They were not easy to carry and required four footmen to each one. 'Place the four clocks in a rectangle eight feet by four alongside the grand piano,' Mr Tibbs whispered. The footmen did so.

“现在拿一个大五斗橱来，放在钢琴上，”蒂布斯先生低声说。 另外三个男仆拿来一个非常精致的赤本代尔红木抽屉柜，放在钢琴上。 “那将是他的椅子，”蒂布斯先生低声说。 “它离地面正好8英尺。 现在我们要做一张桌子，让这位先生舒服地吃早饭。 给我拿四个很高的落地钟来。 宫殿周围有很多这样的人。 每个钟要有十二英尺高。”十六名男仆分散在宫殿周围寻找时钟。 它们不容易搬运，每辆车需要四个男仆。 “把四个钟放在大钢琴旁边一个8英尺乘4英尺的长方形里，”蒂布斯先生低声说。 仆人们照办了。

'Now fetch me the young Prince's ping-pong table,' Mr Tibbs whispered. The ping-pong table was carried in. 'Unscrew its legs and take them away,' Mr Tibbs whispered. This was done. 'Now place the ping-pong table on top of the four grandfather clocks,' Mr Tibbs whispered. To manage this, the footmen had to stand on stepladders. Mr Tibbs stood back to survey the new furniture. 'None of it is in the classic style,' he whispered, 'but it will have to do.' He gave orders that a damask tablecloth should be draped over the ping-pong table, and in the end it looked really quite elegant after all.

“现在把小王子的乒乓球桌给我拿来，”蒂布斯先生低声说。 乒乓球桌被搬进来了。 “拧开它的腿，把它们拿走，”蒂布斯先生低声说。 这件事完成了。“现在把乒乓球桌放在四个落地式座钟上面，”蒂布斯先生低声说。 为了做到这一点，男仆们不得不站在梯子上。 蒂布斯先生退后一步，打量着新家具。 “没有一件是经典风格的，”他低声说，“但也得凑合。”他吩咐在乒乓桌上铺上一块锦缎桌布，最后看起来还是相当优雅的。

At this point, Mr Tibbs was seen to hesitate. The footmen all stared at him, aghast. Butlers never hesitate, not even when they are faced with the most impossible problems. It is their job to be totally decisive at all times. 'Knives and forks and spoons,' Mr Tibbs was heard to mutter. 'Our cutlery will be like little pins in his hands.' But Mr Tibbs didn't hesitate for long. 'Tell the head gardener,' he whispered, 'that I require immediately a brand-new unused garden fork and also a spade. And for a knife we shall use the great sword hanging on the wall in the morning-room. But clean the sword well first. It was last used to cut off the head of King Charles the First and there may still be a little dried blood on the blade.' When all this had been accomplished, Mr Tibbs stood near the centre of the Ballroom casting his expert butler's eye over the scene. Had he forgotten anything? He certainly had. What about a coffee cup for the large gentleman? 'Fetch me,' he whispered, 'the biggest jug you can find in the kitchen.' A splendid one-gallon porcelain water-jug was brought in and placed on the giant's table beside

在这一点上，蒂布斯似乎有些犹豫。 仆人们都目瞪口呆地盯着他。 管家从不犹豫，即使面对最不可能的问题。 在任何时候都保持绝对果断是他们的工作。 “刀叉和勺子，”蒂布斯先生嘟哝着说。 “我们的餐具在他手里会像小别针一样。”但蒂布斯没有犹豫太久。 “告诉园丁头领，”他低声说，“我马上需要一把崭新的、没用过的花园叉子和一把铲子。 至于刀子，我们就用挂在晨间墙上的那把大剑。 但先把剑擦干净。 最后一把刀是用来砍查理一世的头的，刀刃上可能还有一点干了的血。”当这一切都完成后，蒂布斯先生站在舞厅的中央，用他那老练的管家的眼光扫视着现场。 他忘了什么吗? 他当然有。给这位身材高大的先生来杯咖啡怎么样? “给我拿来，”他低声说，“把厨房里能找到的最大的罐子拿来。”一个精美的一加仑瓷器水罐被端了进来，放在巨人旁边的桌子上

the garden fork and the garden spade and the great sword. So much for the giant. Mr Tibbs then had the footmen move a small delicate table and two chairs alongside the giant's table. This was for the Queen and for Sophie. The fact that the giant's table and chair towered far above the smaller table simply could not be helped. All these arrangements were only just completed when the Queen, now fully dressed in a trim skirt and cashmere cardigan, entered the Ballroom holding Sophie by the hand. A pretty blue dress that had once belonged to one of the Princesses had been found for Sophie, and to make her look prettier still, the Queen had picked up a superb sapphire brooch from her dressingtable and had pinned it on the left side of Sophie's chest. The Big Friendly Giant followed behind them, but he had an awful job getting through the door. He had to squeeze himself through on his hands and knees, with two footmen pushing him from behind and two pulling from the front. But he got through in the end. He had removed his

花园的叉子，花园的铁锹和伟大的剑。 巨人就到此为止了。然后，蒂布斯先生让仆人把一张精致的小桌子和两把椅子搬到巨人的桌子旁边。 这是给王后和苏菲的。 巨人的桌子和椅子比小桌子高得多，这是无可避免的。 所有这些安排都刚刚完成，女王就穿着整齐的裙子和羊绒开衫，牵着索菲的手走进舞厅。 他们为苏菲找到了一件漂亮的蓝色连衣裙，这是一位公主曾经穿过的。为了让她看起来更漂亮，王后从梳妆台上拿起一枚精美的蓝宝石胸针，别在苏菲的左胸前。 友善的大巨人跟在他们后面，但他费了好大劲才进了门。 他不得不用手和膝盖挤过去，两个男仆从后面推他，两个从前面拉他。 但他最后还是挺过来了。 他把他的