12 Homesickness

Homesickness I was homesick during the whole of my first term at St Peter's. Homesickness is a bit like seasickness. You don't know how awful it is till you get it, and when you do, it hits you right in the top of the stomach and you want to die. The only comfort is that both homesickness and seasickness are instantly curable. The first goes away the moment you walk out of the school grounds and the second is forgotten as soon as the ship enters port. I was so devastatingly homesick during my first two weeks that I set about devising a stunt for getting myself sent back home, even if it were only a few days. My idea was that I should all of a sudden develop an attack of acute appendicitis.

我在圣彼得学校的第一学期一直想家。 想家有点像晕船。 你不知道它有多可怕，直到你得到它，当你得到它的时候，它直接击中你的腹部，你想死。 唯一的安慰是，乡愁和晕船都能立即治愈。 第一个在你走出校园的那一刻就消失了，第二个在船一进港就被遗忘了。 在最初的两个星期里，我非常想家，以至于我开始设计一个噱头，让自己回家，即使只有几天。 我的想法是，我应该突然患上急性阑尾炎。

You will probably think it silly that a nine-yearold boy should imagine he could get away with a trick like that, but I had sound reasons for trying it on. Only a month before, my ancient half-sister, who was twelve years older than me, had actually had appendicitis, and for several days before her operation I was able to observe her behaviour at close quarters. I noticed that the thing she complained about most was a severe pain down in the lower right side of her tummy. As well as this, she kept being sick and refused to eat and ran a temperature. You might, by the way, be interested to know that this sister had her appendix removed not in a fine hospital operating-room full of bright lights and gowned nurses but on our own nursery table at home by the local doctor and his anaesthetist. In those days it was fairly common

你可能会认为，一个九岁的小男孩竟然以为他可以用这样的把戏逃脱惩罚，这很愚蠢，但我有充分的理由去尝试。 就在一个月前，我的同父异母的姐姐，比我大十二岁，真的得了阑尾炎，在她手术前的几天里，我可以近距离观察她的行为。 我注意到她最常抱怨的是她右下腹部的剧痛。 除此之外，她还一直生病，拒绝吃东西，还发烧。 顺便说一下，你可能有兴趣知道，这个妹妹的阑尾切除手术并不是在一个灯火通明、护士穿着长袍的高级医院手术室里进行的，而是在我们家里的育婴台上由当地医生和麻醉师进行的。 在那些日子里，这是相当普遍的

practice for a doctor to arrive at your own house with a bag of instruments, then drape a sterile sheet over the most convenient table and get on with it. On this occasion, I can remember lurking in the corridor outside the nursery while the operation was going on. My other sisters were with me, and we stood there spellbound, listening to the soft medical murmurs coming from behind the locked door and picturing the patient with her stomach sliced open like a lump of beef. We could even smell the sickly fumes of ether filtering through the crack under the door. The next day, we were allowed to inspect the appendix itself in a glass bottle. It was a longish

练习一下，医生带着一袋器械来到你家里，然后在最方便的桌子上盖上一张无菌床单，然后继续工作。 在这种情况下，我记得当手术进行时，我潜伏在育婴室外面的走廊里。 我的其他姐妹和我在一起，我们站在那里入迷了，听着从锁着的门后传来的柔和的医疗杂音，想象着病人的胃被切开，像一块牛肉。 我们甚至可以闻到从门缝里透进来的乙醚的刺鼻气味。 第二天，我们被允许在一个玻璃瓶里检查阑尾。 它很长

black wormy-looking thing, and I said, 'Do I have one of those inside me, Nanny?' 'Everybody has one,' Nanny answered. 'What's it for?' I asked her. 'God works in his mysterious ways,' she said, which was her stock reply whenever she didn't know the answer. 'What makes it go bad?' I asked her. 'Toothbrush bristles,' she answered, this time with no hesitation at all. 'Toothbrush bristles?' I cried. 'How can toothbrush bristles make your appendix go bad?' Nanny, who in my eyes was filled with more wisdom than Solomon, replied, 'Whenever a

我说:“我体内是不是也有这样的东西，保姆?”“每个人都有一个，”保姆回答。 “这是干什么用的?”我问她。 “上帝以他神秘的方式在工作，”她说，这是她不知道答案时的惯常回答。 “是什么让它变坏的?”我问她。 “刷毛。”她毫不犹豫地回答。 “牙刷的刷毛?”我哭了。 “牙刷刷毛怎么会让你的阑尾变坏呢?”在我眼里，奶妈比所罗门更有智慧，她回答说:“无论什么时候

bristle comes out of your toothbrush and you swallow it, it sticks in your appendix and turns it rotten. In the war', she went on, 'the German spies used to sneak boxloads of loose-bristled toothbrushes into our shops and millions of our soldiers got appendicitis.' 'Honestly, Nanny?' I cried. 'Is that honestly true?' 'I never lie to you, child,' she answered.' 'So let that be a lesson to you never to use an old toothbrush.' For years after that, I used to get nervous whenever I found a toothbrush bristle on my tongue. As I went upstairs and knocked on the brown door after breakfast, I didn't even feel frightened of the Matron. 'Come in!' boomed the voice. I entered the room clutching my stomach on the right-hand side and staggering pathetically. 'What's the matter with you?' the Matron shouted, and the sheer force of her voice caused

刷毛从你的牙刷里出来，你吞下它，它粘在你的阑尾上，使它腐烂。 “在战争中，”她接着说，“德国间谍常常把一箱箱的松毛牙刷偷偷带进我们的商店，我们数百万的士兵得了阑尾炎。“真的吗，保姆?”我哭了。 “这是真的吗?”“我从不对你说谎，孩子，”她回答。“所以，让这件事给你一个教训，永远不要用旧牙刷。”在那之后的很多年里，每当我发现舌头上有牙刷毛时，我都会感到紧张。 早饭后，我上楼去敲那扇棕色的门，我甚至没有感到害怕护士长。 “进来!”那声音洪亮地说。 我抱着右手边的肚子走进房间，可怜地摇摇晃晃。 “你怎么啦?”护士长喊道，她的声音太大了

that massive bosom to quiver like a gigantic blancmange. 'It hurts, Matron,' I moaned. 'Oh, it hurts so much! Just here!' 'You've been over-eating!' she barked. 'What do you expect if you guzzle currant cake all day long!' 'I haven't eaten a thing for days,' I lied. 'I couldn't eat, Matron! I simply couldn't!' 'Get on the bed and lower your trousers,' she ordered. I lay on the bed and she began prodding my tummy violently with her fingers. I was watching her carefully, and when she hit what I guessed was the appendix place, I let out a yelp that rattled the window-panes. 'Ow! Ow! Ow!' I cried out. 'Don't, Matron, don't!' Then I slipped in the clincher. 'I've been sick all morning,' I moaned, 'and now there's nothing left to be sick with, but I still feel sick!' This was the right move. I saw her hesitate. 'Stay where you are,' she said and she walked quickly from the room. She may have been a foul

那巨大的胸脯像一个巨大的皱纹一样颤抖着。 “疼，护士长。”我呻吟道。 “哦，太疼了!”就在这里!“你吃得太多了!”她吼道。 “如果你整天狂吃葡萄干蛋糕，你还指望什么呢!”“我好几天没吃东西了，”我撒了个谎。 “我吃不下饭，护士长!”我就是做不到!“到床上来，把裤子放下来，”她命令道。 我躺在床上，她开始用手指猛烈地戳我的肚子。 我仔细地观察着她，当她撞到我猜是阑尾的地方时，我大叫了一声，把窗玻璃都震得嘎嘎作响。 “噢!噢!噢!”我喊道。 “不要，护士长，不要!”然后我滑进了夹子。 “我整个上午都在难受，”我呻吟着说，“现在没有什么可难受的了，可我还是觉得难受!”这是正确的一步。 我看见她犹豫了。“待在那儿别动，”她说着，快步走出了房间。 她可能是犯规的